Finding the right fit
August 19, 2024
Kyle Devitte also writes a lacrosse newsletter published through Substack. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be using this platform if it weren’t for him. One of the first biographies I found on-line (Kyle Devitte - Seamans Media, Inc.) said this:
“Kyle Devitte is the editor and lead writer for New England Lacrosse Journal. He was hired prior to the 2021 season after serving as the Gear and Lifestyle editor at Inside Lacrosse since 2014. Prior to his time there, Devitte was a college lacrosse coach. He was an assistant coach at Plymouth State University, Franklin Pierce University, St. Anselm College, and Emerson College before becoming the head coach at Daniel Webster College in 2009.
Throughout his time as a college coach, Devitte worked as a freelance writer for Inside Lacrosse, USA Lacrosse Magazine, Lax All-Stars, and the New England Lacrosse Journal. He played high school lacrosse at John Stark Regional high school in Weare, N.H., before a postgraduate year at Tilton Prep. He also played college lacrosse at St. Michael’s College and Clark University. A native of Henniker, New Hampshire, he graduated from Clark with a degree in English Literature in 2003. Devitte resides in Hooksett, N.H., and serves as an assistant lacrosse coach at Hopkinton (N.H.) High School.”
The name of his newsletter is Lacrocity, and his June 18 issue was entitled “Denouement.” I’ll give you a few minutes to read his piece before I explain myself…
“Denouement”
“It’s been over a week since our season ended at Hopkinton. It’s clear to me now that, emotionally, I was not ready for that to happen. And that’s because it took everything I had not to explode in a mess of tears and slobbery viscera when the seniors hugged after the game.
I’ve written a lot about how being a part of this team has affected me as a coach. But I haven’t touched on how it has changed me as a person.
I coached college lacrosse for 12 years. It was miserable. It was miserable because I thought coaching college lacrosse was about coaching kids to get better. It’s not. It’s about recruiting. It’s numbers on a sheet.
It shattered me. I was mad at myself for a very long time for choosing the path of college coaching. Success was hard to come by. Happiness was wholly absent. I never smiled. I had two volumes - screaming and silence.
If you want to break it down - coaching college lacrosse is 90% recruiting, 5% administrative work, and 5% coaching.
High School lacrosse is not like that. It’s 100% coaching and development.
Somehow, I was equally unprepared for that. And the number one reason for that is that those kids immediately took me in. I didn’t have to win them over, I didn’t have to be a tough guy - I could just be myself.
It was the greatest gift to be called “Coach Dev.”
I used the lessons I learned from those 12 years of college coaching to try and build on a culture that Hopkinton already had. It was a tough transition at first, but eventually, I felt myself changing for the better as a coach and as a human.
We had fun at practice. We worked hard. We tried new things.
We won games. We lost a championship. We won a championship.
This group of seniors were freshmen my first year. We were together for four years. I saw them grow up right in front of me. All I ever wanted to be was the coach that I never had. That I never thought I could be. The coach who cared about them as people and didn’t look at them as successes or failures in the recruiting process.
So when this season was over, and I was able to make it through the sea of sad faces to hug them, the first thing I said to each of them was, “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say that because we lost; I said it because the journey we shared was over. We all wanted to keep going for as long as possible - but everything ends.
A lot of the players replied with, “I’m sorry, too” or “Thank you, coach” back to me as we hugged. But one of them said something that, in retrospect, was so unbelievably kind. He said, “It’s okay, coach.” And he said that because I was stumbling over my apology to him. Tears streaming down my face. He could see I was hurt - and he was hurt too - but he wanted me to hurt less than he did.
Only one team gets to celebrate together as champions at the end of the season. Last year it was us. This year it wasn’t.
On the bus ride back, the boys played their usual assortment of weird remix songs and ‘80s ballads. As we took the exit to get back to the school, they put on John Denver’s ‘Country Roads.’ At first, no one was singing. Just vibing. But as we drew closer and closer to the school, more and more kids joined in. I looked at Coach Deacon and we smiled. And all of a sudden, I was singing, too.
‘Driving down the road I get a feeling/That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday
Country roads, take me home/To the place I belong
West Virginia, Mountain mama/Take me home/Country roads.’
Thanks for giving me a home, boys.
Go Hawks.”
I found Kyle’s piece so interesting because, well, my experiences have been just the opposite of his, and when I saw him up at Lake Placid a couple weeks ago, I told him. We chuckled and came to the quick and easy solution that people – and their situations – are all different.
He spent 12 years at the college level and didn’t find peace and happiness until he started coaching high school lacrosse.
I coached JV and varsity lacrosse for 12 years and have found my peace and happiness at the college level.
There is no right or wrong here, no better or worse. Remember “different strokes for different folks”? Kyle moved from a toxic, unhappy situation to a world of serenity and satisfaction. And he took his squad to the finals two straight years. I’m genuinely happy for him.
I left a program where the majority of the kids and their parents didn’t seem to think that lacrosse, teamwork, or commitment were much of a concern. A goalie quit the team during a game and left the stadium with his parents for the hour-ride home. We didn’t have a back-up, and I’m not sure if that team won another game that season.
Players missed (spring!) practices and games because of work, hockey, or basketball. They complained about morning home games the day of the prom because they had pictures, dinner dates, and haircuts. They didn’t want to play lacrosse in the summer, or the fall, and we had to back out of tournaments at LeMoyne, F-M, and Tully because we didn’t have enough players.
I was coaching, but I wasn’t having much fun.
This summer, former varsity coach Doc Nelson – who helped start the Oswego HS program in the mid-‘80s – tried to form a small outdoor box league for area players. There was a Fulton team, a Baldwinsville team, and an Oswego team. The Oswego team never paid its team fee and forfeited their games; on a few occasions not one player showed up for their games. No phone call, no email, nothing.
So imagine the smile on my face when I started coaching at Oswego State a few years ago. It was “Yes, Coach,” “No, Coach,” “Thanks, Coach,” and “How was your day, Coach?”
I said to myself, “Yes! This is how it’s supposed to be!”
And it’s not fake or phony; these kids are committed to the program, and they appreciate their coaches.
I’ve heard people make sweeping statements about how today’s kids are different, how things have changed over the years, but I’ve heard that about both high school and college players. I’ve heard blame placed on COVID. Video games. Maybe it’s the parents, and not the kids. Let’s blame travel and club teams…
But I don’t buy it.
I know there are solid high school programs out there, with players and parents who have bought in to the coaches’ vision and expectations. And I know there are plenty of college programs that operate productively without drama or turmoil.
The trick, my friends, is to find the right fit. There is no magic spell, no secret formula. And plenty of coaches have found their own levels of play that check all the right boxes…for them. What appeals to me might not appeal to you, and vice versa.
Personally, I love the maturity, the independence, and the commitment I have found. I love the relationships – not only with the players, but with their parents and families, and our alumni, too.
Kyle complained about recruiting, and I can see where that might get to be a grind, but I’ll also confess that, in my particular situation, that’s not concern. Head coach Andrew Daly loves the recruiting game, and he hasn’t asked me to roll up my sleeves and join him on his recruiting journeys.
And I don’t know that college coaching – or even the pro leagues – are necessarily “better” than scholastic. My former high school coach, Tony Seaman, took a path that led him from varsity lacrosse to Division I – with stops at CW Post, Penn, Johns Hopkins, and Towson – and then went on to coach in the MLL. For the past few years, though, he’s found his happy place in Boca Raton, coaching the St. Andrews School to several Florida state championships.
Rory Whipple, who coached at Clarkson, Hartwick, Bryant, Florida Southern, and Tampa, found himself coaching the boys varsity team in Vero Beach last spring.
Dom Starsia coached at Brown and Virginia before calling it a career. He gave the PLL pro league a go, but now coaches at the Blue Ridge School, a private high school in Virginia.
Still, former college coaches Bill Tierney, Chris Bates, Andy Towers, Ryan Curtis, Mike Murphy, and Jim Stagnitta have all moved “up” to the pro league.
Meanwhile, Nat St. Laurent does double-duty. He’s the head coach of the PLL’s Redwoods squad as well as head coach at Div III’s Ohio Northern.
Some coaches move up; others move down. Some move on to administrative roles; some ride off into the sunset. Many have even found success by moving over to the girls’/women’s side of the game.
I’ll compare it to teaching, where there is no magic grade level or content area. I taught high school English and couldn’t stand teaching 7th graders. My Mom taught first grade and wondered how I could ever enjoy teaching older kids. I told her that I couldn’t last a week teaching elementary students.
It takes all kinds – you just need to find the right fit.
Kyle, I’m glad you’re happy at Hopkinton. It was great running into you at Placid, and here’s to a third championship game appearance in 2025.
And to all the coaches – and all the teachers – about to start a new year, I hope you experience the same kind of joy and happiness.
Thanks for reading. Please consider subscribing at roadtripdad.com to receive weekly RTD newsletters via email. It’s free – really! No fine print; no catches.
In the meantime, please drive carefully, everyone. Put down those cell phones. Volunteer. Donate blood. Get your shots; get your boosters. Love your neighbor. Help someone in need. Take care of your crew!
But most importantly, stay safe, stay smart, and stay kind.
- Dan Witmer
Dan is currently the author of four books. The Best of Road Trip Dad – The Laker Lacrosse Collection is an accumulation of 45 articles written for www.JustLacrosseUpstate between the years 2012 and 2018, about the history and traditions, the people, and the stories of the Oswego State men’s lacrosse program. … and piles to go before I sleep – The Book of Wit is his memoir describing his 33-year career teaching HS English and coaching at Hannibal Central School. His third book, The Best of RTD – A Lacrosse Coach’s Handbook contains more than 55 weekly Road Trip Dad blogs spanning 2012-2020, featuring Xs and Os, highs and lows, and even some Dos and Don'ts, and plenty of advice for coaches of all levels. His latest book, The Best of Road Trip Dad – On the Shoulders of Giants: Upstate’s Lacrosse Founders and Legends, profiles more than 50 icons who helped grow the game in Upstate NY. All four books are available at www.amazon.com.
Dan grew up in Lynbrook, NY before coming to Oswego State to earn his teaching and coaching certifications. He then taught English at Hannibal High School for 33 years before retiring in 2015.
In addition to coaching the Oswego State Laker men’s lacrosse team part-time from 1982-2010, Dan also coached JV and varsity girls’ soccer at Hannibal for 16 years, girls’ ice hockey at Oswego HS for 8 years, and boys’ JV and varsity lacrosse at Oswego HS for 12 years.
Dan is now in his 18th year assisting Summit Lacrosse Ventures with their various tournaments, especially the annual Lake Placid Summit Classic, and he worked for 3d Lacrosse for three years as well. He has served on the staffs of the 2014 FIL World Games in Denver, the 2015 FIL Indoor Championships in Syracuse, the 2018 FIL World Games in Netanya, Israel, the 2022 U21 World Championship in Limerick, Ireland, and the World Lacrosse Championships in San Diego in 2023. He is the game ops staff director for the World Lacrosse Men’s and Women’s Box Championships in Utica in September of 2024. This year he created Witmer Solutions LLC, a lacrosse event staffing and internship offering service that he hopes will get his foot – and others’ – in the door at lacrosse events worldwide.
Dan served as the Community Service Coordinator for the Oswego State athletic department from 2010-2023 and has been a certified lacrosse referee for the past seven years. He has also been the Volunteer Event Organizer for the annual St. Baldrick’s fundraiser in Oswego for the past 18 years, raising more than one million dollars for childhood cancer research.
In 2023, he returned to the Oswego State coaching staff as an assistant coach, where he currently serves as defensive coordinator and alumni liaison.
Dan and Sue Witmer live in Oswego, while their sons Brian and Eric are currently living in Prague and Denver.
The hope is for many more road trips to come.