Think about it.
What are some of the crazier things you’ve heard at a lacrosse game?
I’m not just talking about what you might hear moms and dads and other fans say from the sidelines or bleachers, or what coaches might yell to their players. I’m also including what I’ve heard referees say, or what players have said from the sidelines…
I was lucky (?) enough to hear some new additions to my favorites this past week, so I figured it was time to share some of the more memorable ones with you.
I’ll break them up into four groups: From players (to coaches, to teammates, and to opponents), referees (to coaches), coaches (to their players, and to refs), and finally, spectators (to one another, to players and coaches, and of course, to referees).
Look, I’ll admit that I’ve been in the shoes of all the involved parties. I’ve reffed, coached, played, and of course, watched my sons play. And therefore I declare myself qualified to make these observations honestly and objectively - well, maybe.
OK, maybe not so much. Of course this is going to be subjective. Enjoy.
FROM PLAYERS
“Wait, is there a shot clock in lacrosse?”
Yup, I had a high school varsity player ask me that question during a timeout of a game that was not the first of the season. For one of the very few times in my life, I was left speechless.
Recently I’ve paid more attention to some of the stuff teammates yell from the sidelines during play, like…
“They can’t stop you!”
I can appreciate the vote of confidence but, along with “He doesn’t want it!” it’s a little over the top. More than likely, they (the opponent) can stop you (their teammate), but the hyperbole is a bit excessive. One is said to a teammate with the ball; the other is said to a teammate who is defending a ball carrier. The first scenario might be true about 50% of the time; the second might be true about 5% of the time. Neither is very kind or sportsmanlike, but I’m not going to call for any reforms or rule changes at this time.
While “Take his lunch!” might be more fitting for the junior high school bully, I actually like this sideline chirp encouraging a teammate to dispossess his opponent from the ball. I guess I’ll take a metaphor over hyperbole any time.
“Scoreboard” is overused and just too easy. It’s as if the team with the lead has a Wild Card it can play regardless of what is actually happening on the field. Address what’s going on, and don’t use the Default chirp of every team that has scored more goals at that given moment.
Similarly, “Weightroom!” seems to be the go-to sideline chirp whenever a teammate manages to stay upright while his opponent takes a spill. I get the whole ‘to-the-victors-go-the-spoils’ thing but, in my experience, the amount of time spent in an actual weightroom - at the high school level - is usually minimal, and has absolutely nothing to do with the outcome of a body check. More than likely, the 175-lb guy is going to come out better than the 130-lb guy; it’s that simple.
FROM REFEREES
“Loose ball trip.”
By definition, tripping is a personal foul, so possession has nothing to do with it. Imagine hearing “Loose ball slash” or “Loose ball illegal body check.” If an official calls a trip - or makes the hand signal for a trip - then there should be time served. If his intent is to just award possession, he should call it a loose ball push, a loose ball hold, or illegal procedure with no possession.
NOTE: I apologize to the official who made this call this past week; I shouldn’t have jumped all over you like I did.
Here are a few of my other all-time faves…
“Not one more word, coach!”
In my younger days, I was too often relentless on officials, and I have apologized publicly again and again for that behavior. But on more than one occasion, I’ve had a ref say this to me, and it got the desired result - it left me steaming hot, but silent. I was afraid to ask if he meant I couldn’t say anything - like, for the rest of the game? I remember one time when I did the Mary and Rob Petrie (or was it Lucy and Desi?) sit-com routine of asking my assistant coach - loud enough for all parties to hear - “Would you ask the referee if I can talk to my players?” or “Would you ask the referee why he didn’t call that slash?”
“He didn’t say anything, Coach; it was the way he looked at me.”
I had a ref say this to me when I asked why he gave an unsportsmanlike penalty to one of my players. Again, I was struck dumb. Fortunately for all parties involved, we were winning by a lot at the time, so I decided to just let that one pass.
Then there was my refereeing partner who was frustrated by the number of no-mouthpiece calls he was making in a summer box game. He caught a player with no mouthpiece, and when the poor guy aplogized and pulled his mouthpiece from his sock, my partner called, “One-minute unsportsmanlike - there was no intent to wear the mouthpiece.”
FROM COACHES
“C’mon, meatball!”
I didn’t ever get to know RFA’s legendary coach Mike Warwick, but he made a lasting impression on me the first time I watched - and listened to - him coach. There’s just something about the good ol’ days…
“This is why I don’t bring a gun to practice!”
Yup, that one belongs to a frustrated Oswego HS varsity coach Doc Nelson… maybe his best rant ever! And yes, he was exaggerating his frustration. Hyperbole.
“You gotta do more than hit him with your purse.”
No idea where I first heard this one, but it’s a timeless classic, said to remind defenders that they have to use their bodies to play defense, and not simply rely on their sticks. I used it the other day at practice and caught our players by surprise. “What did you just say?” they asked. I repeated it and they thought that it was hilarious.
“You gotta call it both ways, ref!”
This was said to me when I reffed a junior high game - in the first quarter. I mean, c’mon; give me a chance to call it both ways!
“This isn’t Modified lacrosse, ref!”
Believe it or not, this was yelled out to me in the same game, by the same coach. Technically, he was correct; it wasn’t Modified. It was grades 7-9 - not Modified, but not JV, either. Therefore, we play Modified rules. So…
“Ivy!”
One of the many things I love about coaching is coming up with codes and secret phrases to call out to my teams during games. At one point in time, we had about 15-20 man-down variations, and we had an alphabetical audible for each of them. Well, one of our opposing coaches used to call out “Ivy!” from time to time, and I’m embarrassed to admit that it took me several years before I learned (and only because he told me) that “Ivy” simply meant “invert.” Duh! I.V. - not Ivy…
FROM THE SIDELINES/BLEACHERS
“Pass the ball to Johnny!”
This, of course, is always said by Johnny’s mom or dad. If Johnny scores, they yell, “Way to go, Johnny!” If Johnny makes the pass and gets an assist, they are likely to call out, “Great pass, Johnny!” Too seldom do you hear Johnny’s parents call out any other name, unless it’s to tell them what they need to do better.
“Get it in the box!”
This is said by well-intentioned but ill-informed college parents who don’t know NCAA rules. The offensive team no longer has to get the ball into the box; just getting it over the midfield line satisfies the 20-second clearing count.
“I don’t know why Coach didn’t call a timeout.”
See above. In high school lacrosse, a team in possession of the ball can call a timeout no matter where the ball is, but in college, the ball has to be in the offensive third. So if the goalie or defender is in trouble and can't get the ball over the midline, calling a timeout is not even an option.
“Um, ref? There’s a fight over there on the sidelines.”
This was actually called out to me when I was reffing that same junior high game I mentioned earlier, as play stopped between quarters. I think I responded by asking, “Seriously?” Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed by the time my partner and I headed to that section of the sideline, and the game went on without any further shenanigans.
“Pretty good job, ref!”
This one made me laugh. I had just finished reffing a hotly-contested summer tournament game and received this less-than-convincing compliment from one particular dad who had been in my ear all game. When he made this post-game comment, I laughed and replied, “Just ‘pretty good,’ huh? But, hey, you know what? I’ll take it.” Then we both laughed.
But maybe my all-time favorite was said by a lax-mom-on-the-sideline with a great sense of humor. My son Brian was a young referee working a summer tournament, and as multiple fouls were committed, he threw flag #1, then flag #2, and then - as per rule - his hat for foul #3… “Keep going…” she teased him.
Classic.
Give me more time, a few other lacrosse old-timers to sit around and laugh with, and some cold beverages, and we could probably come up with plenty more examples, but this will have to do for now.
How about you? Have you heard any funny, frightful, odd, or memorable comments at a game? Feel free to share them with me; maybe I’ll revisit this topic in the near future and share your stories. We don’t need names - just things you hear at a lacrosse game.
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- Dan Witmer
daniel.witmer@oswego.edu
Things you hear at a lacrosse game…
Giggling! My favorites: “This is why I don’t bring a gun to practice!” and “You gotta do more than hit him with your purse.”